A lot has happened since the last time I wrote something here. I’ve been busy utilizing my Tumblr for months, feeding my insatiable thirst for art, beauty and culture day after day. Perhaps I’m using this blog of mine again because I don’t want you to read this. It might also be because I bought only a small Moleskine and I could barely put all my thoughts there. There is still a chance that you’ll get to read this if time does permit. I just thought of it just now, one thing that I like about wordpress is that I don’t have the slightest idea as to who will be able to read this.
It’s been a good three months since I’ve known you. Being the self-confident ass that I am, with his truck load of insecurities, I told you I’ll stay until that day comes unwary of the level of psychological hardship such an attempt would bring. Nevertheless, I refuse to give up on this; I’ve come so far. We’re complete opposites I’m not going to lie. You’re more Asian than I am, despite me being born in the east with the slightest drop of Spanish blood and I’m more western than you are. Our tastes in music are in the completely different directions. You like mainstream K-pop and club music as I see it. I have an affair with indie music from Europe and an innate affinity for sadness. To be honest, I never really planned to fall for you this hard. As a matter of fact I was trying to resist every hint, but my efforts have all been in vain. Now, as I am writing this, I can hear my soul being shredded into bits as if I myself placed it inside my mom’s paper shredder that my little sister enjoys playing with. I have not the slightest idea what you think of me right now. I do seem like a cold heartless cut throat bitch on Tumblr, with a love affair with the skinny and pale and an overly emotional demeanor on the side. I’m far from your ideal guy, and I’m very well aware of that. Aside from me being Asian there’s nothing more on the your list that I believe I satisfy. On my side, I’ll tell you truthfully that you satisfy all the requirements I’ve put with a bit of over qualifications on the side. It’s like being served with the most succulent piece of Wagyu steak in a fancy Japanese restaurant and having another piece for free just because the chef thought so. You are without a doubt, everything I’ve ever asked for; I am not sure you feel the same though.
The last time I attempted something like this, I felt like my world was shattered to pieces it took me two years to pull through. I had to pick up the pieces and move on. I matured an awful lot. I lost weight, looked better, dressed better, and had a better sense of self. I wasn’t mature enough to handle it back then being too pushy and selfish back then. No wonder it failed miserably. But you, you are a far different case. I have never in my life felt something this intense I’m willing to put through any amount of shit just to be with you. And yes I am willing to wait this damn long. As of now, I know you like someone else, and it burns like hell inside me, but I’ll be alright. I’m not giving up until I get to drag my already rotting carcass there and tell you how I feel face to face — not in byte strings or string values. I know I will get through this, and it’s going to be all worth it in the end. I promise I’ll wait for that time when I sweep you off your feet because I know I can. I’m not giving up on you, and I pray that you do the same. I’ll stop worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. I’ll stop thinking about things that will most likely not happen. I’m telling you now, with all my heart, I truly love you.
Filed under: Literary
